5 Things Our Tooth Fairy Will NOT Be Doing

I have a feeling I’m going to despise the Tooth Fairy when my six year-old’s first tooth wiggles free from its roots. I’ve been dreading the day, and have already suffered the wrath of the over-achieving parents whose children brag of their wads of cash and delicately-sewn tooth pillows, and coloured water changed by the visit from rainbow-coloured dental nymphs.

You know what will happen next? Those Elf on the Shelf creators will come up with a Tooth Fairy version of the money-sucking (patience-sucking) phenomenon. Suddenly everyone will have untouchable fairies perched on their mantles, watching their Kindergarteners, year-round! Or has this already been invented?

I’ve been fortunate so far. My girl is the very last six-year-old in her world who hasn’t lost a tooth. While she wiggles her pearly whites daily, and begs to eat whole apples in hopes of them advancing the natural tooth loss process, I wince at the thought of one of those suckers breaking loose, opening up a new can of who’s-the-best-and-most-creative-mom-in-the-world worms. An unspoken competition that, frankly, I don’t care to participate in.

Whatever happened to: tooth falls out. Tooth goes under pillow (naked, unwashed). Child wakes to find a quarter under pillow. The end.

In honour of my disdain for the Tooth Fairy and all that she represents for busy, non cash-carrying, non-DIY moms like myself, here are five things our Tooth Fairy will NOT be doing in our house:

1) Look at this adorable Tooth Fairy package – including hand-folded dollar bills, sparkles, coins, and a nice long mini letter from the fairy herself. The post even includes a link to a Youtube video where you can learn to fold bills into cute little baskets as shown below!

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Sweet! But here’s why this won’t be happening in my house: 1) Bills? No. My children will be getting coins. (Note: here in Canada, we don’t have bills smaller than $5). 2) Folding that requires a Youtube lesson. I don’t do DIYs, I’m out. 3) Hand-written note. I do like to think of myself as a bit of a wordsmith, but what could the Tooth Fairy possibly have to say? Did you see how long the letter in the post was? What more is there to say than “Got your tooth, here’s some cash.”

2) A Tooth Fairy Mouse. How adorable. Except a) it costs over $20, and b) what does a mouse have to do with a fairy or a tooth? Not seeing the connect peeps.

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3) Please, for the love of mom, tell me you don’t actually go to the extent of dressing up as the Tooth Fairy. Just. Don’t.

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4) Hey, look guys! An easy DIY – Tooth Fairy money. Um, what?

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I actually think this is kind of cute to be honest. But think about it, you have to spray the (again, bills!?), let them dry, tuck them under the pillow (hello unnecessary load of laundry – and have you ever tried to wash glitter out of fabric?). Then if the cash somehow landed in my husband’s wallet and he pulled out a glittery bill? Well let’s just say he’d be less than impressed.

5) And this one is definitely a will-never-do in my house. If you’ve been following my blog for awhile, you know about my hate-on for lunch making. Check out these adorable little Tooth Fairy bento lunches:

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Do these moms realize that kids have approximately 20 teeth to lose? That’s a whole lotta folded bill baskets, mousy pouches, costume wears, sparkly bills, and bento lunches, don’t you think?

What does your Tooth Fairy do, and how much does she pay?

Comments

  1. I had a tooth shaped pillow when I was a kid. Also here is a book I had read with Sophie a few months back, I found it quite cute. http://books.google.ca/books/about/Silverlicious.html?id=pJxk1PBtXSoC&redir_esc=y

  2. Hallelujah. I am sooooooo with you on this. We didn’t have the tooth fairy growing up. At my house we put the tooth as is under the pillow and the kids get a quarter.

  3. Hallelujah. I am sooooooo with you on this. We didn’t have the tooth fairy growing up. At my house we put the tooth as is under the pillow and the kids get a quarter.

  4. Oh I am so with you, Bee! The only thing I can really get behind is a special box, pillow, or envelope to make it easier to find the tooth, because those things are tiny and I’d hate to be groping around in the dark for ages for it. When we get to this stage, I am sure I will resent the over-achieving moms for ruining it for the rest of us too.

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