I wake up at 5am to the smell of dog shit and a toddler tugging on my hair.
It’s the Friday of a long weekend – not exactly the way I had envisioned the start of my “day off”. I guess that’s the beauty of parenting (and housing a 15-year-old dog with wavering control of her bowels thanks to old age) – you never really know how your morning is going to unfold.
I look over resentfully at my snoring husband, and roll out of bed like a log dead-falling over the cliff of a waterfall. Eyes squinted, I navigate my way through the dark room, doing my best to avoid stepping in the piles of poop that plop in a trail towards the bedroom door. As I clean up, my ears ring with squeals of discontent that echo down the hallway. Sibling rivalry thrives most in the wee hours of the morning, it seems.
I throw together a half-assed breakfast and settle my kids in at the table, and then rush to the bathroom for my never-to-be-missed daily shower.
If I’m lucky, I can make it through the 10 minutes of shower serenity without interruption – without a whiny voice pleading for a drink, or a shriek from a disgruntled sibling, or a tiny toddler’s palm streaking down the glass door of my shower like a scene from a horror movie, begging for me to come out and grant “uppies”.
Yes, if I’m lucky, I’m left alone for a whole 10 minutes. And as I squeeze shampoo into my cupped palm, my thoughts run wild.
I mentally scribe my day’s to-do list. I devise drafts of articles that are yet to be written. I dream up epic family getaway ideas, and renovation plans for my house. And then it happens.
Did I shampoo my hair?
Unsure, I cup my hand, squeeze a blob of scented hair soap into my palm, and let my thoughts wander some more…
Did I just use conditioner or shampoo?
Untrusting of my meagre memory, I squeeze a squirt of shampoo into my hand, lather up, and wash my hair (again?).
Shit. Now I really don’t know. Was that conditioner?
My thoughts have wandered again and I don’t know if I’m done, or if I’ve missed step 2 of my hair-washing routine. I run my fingers through my hair. Does it feel slippery as it does after a post-conditioned rinse?
Somewhat satisfied, I step out of the shower into my towel, and it all comes back to me.
Yep, I’ve just shampoo’d my hair – THREE TIMES.