Tooth Fairy Torture

Last night my daughter lost her 7th tooth. As I flashed my best grin and cheered her on with enthusiasm while she recounted her valiant efforts to pull her wiggly tooth from its roots, my thoughts went straight to my late-evening plans, and how they were officially ruined.

I remember writing about how I would never succumb to the over-the-top Tooth Fairy antics. Boy was I wrong. The problem is, as much as I would love to drop a quarter under my daughter’s pillow and call it a job well done, friends talk. And there’s nothing more depressing than seeing your sweet little firstborn teary eyed because her best friend’s Tooth Fairy left her a pony and made real-life magic happen right in her bedroom. Ok, I may be exaggerating a little, but seriously, the things that my daughter hears about from her friends at school leave me pulling my hair out as I try to live up to unrealistic expectations.

When she lost her first tooth, she received $5 in her Tooth Fairy pillow, and that was it. She was ecstatic. By the loss of her second tooth, rumours had been swirling that if you left a cup of water by your bed, the Tooth Fairy would change its colour to coincide with the fairy’s colours. Fine, coloured water, done. For the lost teeth that have followed, the antics had evolved to leaving questionnaires for the Tooth Fairy to complete, water for changing colours, a tooth in a special pillow, and a drawing for the Tooth Fairy to take back to fairyland with her.  It’s just too much!

Tooth Fairy

The stress that comes with entering a sleeping child’s room to replace a tooth with a coin is enough to make my head spin, but mom knows no fear like trying to complete a full questionnaire (in whimsical scripture might I add, cause gosh forbid the Fairy has similar writing to mommy’s), dropping food colouring into a shot glass full of water, and leaving money tucked into a pin-sized hole, all while trying not to startle your little one awake.

The worst part of all? Trying to stay awake while you wait for your nocturnal child to fall into a deep enough sleep to complete the list of daunting tasks. Tooth Fairy visits are complete torture. I just pray that the next tooth waits for a few months so I can afford the time and money it takes to make magic happen once more.

 

 

 

5 Things Our Tooth Fairy Will NOT Be Doing

I have a feeling I’m going to despise the Tooth Fairy when my six year-old’s first tooth wiggles free from its roots. I’ve been dreading the day, and have already suffered the wrath of the over-achieving parents whose children brag of their wads of cash and delicately-sewn tooth pillows, and coloured water changed by the visit from rainbow-coloured dental nymphs.

You know what will happen next? Those Elf on the Shelf creators will come up with a Tooth Fairy version of the money-sucking (patience-sucking) phenomenon. Suddenly everyone will have untouchable fairies perched on their mantles, watching their Kindergarteners, year-round! Or has this already been invented?

I’ve been fortunate so far. My girl is the very last six-year-old in her world who hasn’t lost a tooth. While she wiggles her pearly whites daily, and begs to eat whole apples in hopes of them advancing the natural tooth loss process, I wince at the thought of one of those suckers breaking loose, opening up a new can of who’s-the-best-and-most-creative-mom-in-the-world worms. An unspoken competition that, frankly, I don’t care to participate in.

Whatever happened to: tooth falls out. Tooth goes under pillow (naked, unwashed). Child wakes to find a quarter under pillow. The end.

In honour of my disdain for the Tooth Fairy and all that she represents for busy, non cash-carrying, non-DIY moms like myself, here are five things our Tooth Fairy will NOT be doing in our house:

1) Look at this adorable Tooth Fairy package – including hand-folded dollar bills, sparkles, coins, and a nice long mini letter from the fairy herself. The post even includes a link to a Youtube video where you can learn to fold bills into cute little baskets as shown below!

Source

Sweet! But here’s why this won’t be happening in my house: 1) Bills? No. My children will be getting coins. (Note: here in Canada, we don’t have bills smaller than $5). 2) Folding that requires a Youtube lesson. I don’t do DIYs, I’m out. 3) Hand-written note. I do like to think of myself as a bit of a wordsmith, but what could the Tooth Fairy possibly have to say? Did you see how long the letter in the post was? What more is there to say than “Got your tooth, here’s some cash.”

2) A Tooth Fairy Mouse. How adorable. Except a) it costs over $20, and b) what does a mouse have to do with a fairy or a tooth? Not seeing the connect peeps.

Source

3) Please, for the love of mom, tell me you don’t actually go to the extent of dressing up as the Tooth Fairy. Just. Don’t.

Source

4) Hey, look guys! An easy DIY – Tooth Fairy money. Um, what?

Source

I actually think this is kind of cute to be honest. But think about it, you have to spray the (again, bills!?), let them dry, tuck them under the pillow (hello unnecessary load of laundry – and have you ever tried to wash glitter out of fabric?). Then if the cash somehow landed in my husband’s wallet and he pulled out a glittery bill? Well let’s just say he’d be less than impressed.

5) And this one is definitely a will-never-do in my house. If you’ve been following my blog for awhile, you know about my hate-on for lunch making. Check out these adorable little Tooth Fairy bento lunches:

Source

Do these moms realize that kids have approximately 20 teeth to lose? That’s a whole lotta folded bill baskets, mousy pouches, costume wears, sparkly bills, and bento lunches, don’t you think?

What does your Tooth Fairy do, and how much does she pay?