Christmas Mourning

Two days after my last post, on the morning of Christmas Eve, my biological father passed away.

It was sudden, and completely unexpected.

Although he was in the hospital for extensive testing following a bout of pneumonia, and it was discovered that he had developed a very rare form of cancer in his lungs called sarcomatoid carcinoma, it was ultimately an unforseen heart attack that took his life.
He was young, and until only a few weeks ago, he was healthy.

He had found me online in October of 2010, and since his first email, we had written to each other almost every day for over 2 years. We’ve had some special visits in person, and have shared so many stories. He had written to me about his past, about my birth, about his life over the past 33 years that we had been apart, and about how I had never once left his mind during our separation.

There are so many things we didn’t get to do. So many words that we didn’t get to say.

While I celebrate the holidays, enjoying this special time with my own little family, I will also be thinking of him – the only member of my biological family I had ever known.

In his honour, I hope to share some of his stories through my posts. To keep his memory alive in my mind, and to heal my broken heart.

In the meantime, I will cherish the memories we were so lucky to have created together.

From our last visit – don’t we look alike?

May he rest in peace. xo


  1. B,
    I am glad that you were able to connect with your biological father for the past few years, I hope this will give you some closure. I am sure he loved hearing from you and all about the kids everyday! thinking of you, Michelle

  2. I’m glad you two got a chance to connect. Thinking of your heart. <3

  3. I am so sorry you lost him far too early. I see a lot of his features in your daughter too, so his legacy and memory will live on. Hugs.

  4. I am so sorry for your loss, Bianca!

  5. Oh Bianca, how incredibly unfair. My father died when he was 52, even though it was 11 years ago, I still feel it keenly. I’m glad you had a chance to connect with him. Take care of yourself.

  6. Those smiles. They are one and the same.
    Sorry for your loss.

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