Do These Spots Make My Ass Look Fat?

Check me out, livin the life – pre-babies

They call me Keyla (short for Tequilla), and I’m a Dalmatian (duh, obviously). I know I’m cute, but after 9 years with my parents, looks don’t seem to matter anymore. The honeymoon’s over for this dog. I’m no longer the baby, and I frickin’ hate it.

I used to live a charmed life. Doggy treats, extended walks, human-bed cuddles. The whole sha-bang. Hungry for a treat? All I’d have to do was batt my eyes, wag my tail, maybe throw in a little “sit”, and BOOM. Treat in my mouth. I didn’t care about strange noises or stranger danger. Why would I? I wasn’t a guard dog, I was a freakin’ pet. I was livin’ the life, my friends. Little did I know, it would all come to a screaching halt.

My mom started to get really fat. I didn’t know what was going on, and I wasn’t going to judge, cause hey, I didn’t want to sound like an ungrateful bitch. She just got fatter and fatter, until one day she came home with this freaky looking mini-human. Suddenly it was “shhhh no bark!” and “you take her for a walk, I’m nursing the baby”. WTF. Who was this mini-person taking over my family?

The thing got bigger, and I have to admit, she kinda grew on me. Lots of snuggles and kisses, and she seemed to like me despite my resentment. OK I thought, I can share my parents with her. For now.

Then my mommy got fat again. This time I was no dummy, I knew what was coming. BOOM. 9 months later, yep, another mini-human freak baby. In. My. House. Another one? I knew I was going to be chopped liver. Third on the list.

The boy’s starting to grow on me too, and I have to admit, I get a tinge of satisfaction when he grabs my ear and gets reprimanded by the parental unit. Better him than me right?

I’m adjusting, taking it day by day. I know they still love me but things will never be like they were in the beginning. I still live a happy life, but I have to work for the attention I used to have all to myself. It’s a dog’s life.

And those kids? I love them, but how would you feel if people dressed their kids up like you for Halloween?

Totally. Humiliating.


  1. Omg… That was awesome! Perfect interpretation of what your dog must have gone through… Oh, and btw, The costumes are spot on (pun intended)!

  2. hahahaha That’s awesome! I think that, secretly, Keyla loves it.

  3. BWAHAHA, totally dug your dog’s “personality.” Pretty sure my cat felt just as betrayed when we did the same to him.

  4. Ha! Poor Keyla.

    I think all pets feel the same when ‘the baby’ arrives.

  5. So funny. “This time i was no dummy.” Love it!

    Gorgeous dog and cutie pie kids!

  6. Awww! I love his costume!

    We had a black lab we got when I was pregnant with my last baby- she loved all my kids from the start. And when the baby was born, she would howl whenever he would cry and sit at the end of his crib. I think she thought he was her puppy. Our older dog likes our kids well enough. And he lets my baby climb all over him…but I don’t think he likes them THAT much. LOL.

    I’m here from mamakats. I’d love a visit back!

  7. Love this post…very funny! Great photos too.

  8. So cute! I’d be honored for someone to dress up as me.

  9. OMG I just burst out laughing at my desk (which only gives these people more reasons to think I’m off). HE IS HUMILIATED! I can’t stop giggling. Thank you for this; it’s made my afternoon.

  10. OMG, that is so stinking cute.

  11. Ha! So funny, especially the ending!

  12. Truly hilarious … I would totally come back as an animal in my house – they have it REAL good 🙂

  13. Aw, Keyla is so cute! I love the ending:) Too funny.

  14. The matching dog “costumes” are adorable! What a cute idea!

  15. This was a great post via your awesome dog. I wonder everyday what my fur babies are thinking when I have shushed them for the 100th time. I love the pics awesome. New follower from the hop hope you can come by and say hello

  16. hahaha So funny!

    I love the costume. Awesome idea!
    Come follow me also!

  17. Hahahaha this was the funniest post that I have read all day! I am a new fan from the hop.


  18. Totally awesome! She looks like a sweet pup. And wow, dressing your kids up like her…too cute.

  19. This is hilarious! LOVE LOVE LOVE the pictures at the end! FANTASTIC post!

  20. Super ridiculously adorable!

  21. I love it! My family had a dog when I was growing up, but my husband didn’t even want to consider one. So…now that he’s not around, we have a smooth haired collie! Love him!

Speak Your Mind