To play the second fiddle well.”
– C.H. Spurgeon
The other day one of my friends asked me an interesting question: “When you had your second child, did you find that people seemed less interested in holding him?”While my initial reaction was to reassure her that having a second child was just as exciting to my friends and family as the birth of my first, her question made me think…did my second child play second fiddle?
I remember being pregnant with my second. I was so worried about how having another baby would affect my firstborn. Would she be jealous of the new baby? Would she feel left out as people cooed and cuddled her new little sibling?
I also remember being worried about how having a second child would affect me. Would I be able to love it as much as I loved the first?
But what I hadn’t ever thought about was how other people would react to my second child. It hadn’t crossed my mind that they might not be as excited about the new addition to our family, or that they might be less interested in cooing and cuddling my second bundle of joy.
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| Do you want to hold him? |
When my son was born, my daughter welcomed him with open arms. She stepped back, proud to show off her little brother, and encouraged people to hold him. I too was so relieved to find that my heart exploded with mama love for my second just as much as it had with my first. But when I think about it now, I had fewer visits when I was in the hospital the second time. I received fewer cards and emails congratulating me on the arrival of my baby, and fewer home visits from friends and family.
Now that I think about it, I do remember holding him more when people did stop by. Having to ask visitors to hold him for a minute so I could change my other child’s diaper or grab a quick drink. Was this because they were simply less interested in my second child? Had my friends and family moved from baby hogs, to baby dodgers?
I don’t take it personally. When I think about my visits with friends who have just had their second child, I am just as excited for them, and I just as desperately want to snuggle with their little newbies.
Perhaps we tend to focus our attention on the first-born child in the room to make sure they don’t feel left out. Maybe we focus our attention on the frazzled parents who are new to life with two. Or maybe we just feel less inclined to coo over baby number two because we’re worried that the new parents will think we’re being baby hogs.
Whatever the case, number two will be loved. Number two will be embraced and cuddled, and number two will not play second fiddle – because number two will receive so much love from someone that the firstborn didn’t have – a sibling. And a little extra love and attention from the mamas and the papas won’t hurt either 😉
Did you find that your second child received less attention from friends and family than your first?
7 Comments
As the mom of one and only, I often worry that were we to ever to adopt again, I could never love another like I love him. But I hear over and over again that the heart expands; it does not contract and love is big enough to welcome everyone ;-O
Interesting question. And one I can’t truly answer. But I do agree with your take on things. Regardless of first, second or third – the love is there, always!
As a mama, there is always an abundance of love but I do remember people being less interested with each additional child. Oh well … like your said, I didn’t take it personally either.
Same feeling here. Would I love child#2 more or less than #1.
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