Confession: I lie to my children.
Before becoming a parent, I swore that I would never lie to my kids, that I would always be open and honest with them. But now that I’m a mommy of two, I realize that for me, lying is an essential part of parenting. I’m not proud of this fact, but in some cases, I’ve tried everything else imaginable, and nothing else has worked.
Fact: Lying makes my toddler sleep.
For about 3-4 months, my toddler wouldn’t sleep. I tried crying it out, I tried rocking him to sleep, I tried playing music, and I tried letting him sleep in my bed. I tried giving him warm milk, rubbing his back, and even the Supernanny “sit in the room with your back to them” method. I literally tried everything.
One night, way past my breaking point, I had to pee and didn’t want him to scream his brains out while I left, so I placed him in his crib, gave him a little pat on the back, and said “Mommy just has to go pee, I’ll be right back, ok? No fuss, mommy will be right back”. And you know what? While I was in the washroom, I came to the monumental realization: he was lying there, quietly waiting for me to come back. He didn’t have any sense of time, so he had no idea how long he had been waiting for me. He just waited quietly for my return. I tested it out and didn’t go back in, and you know what? He fell asleep peacefully – no tears.
Ever since then, I have done this almost every night. I go through the regular bed time routine, and when it’s time, he points to his bed and settles in with his comfort toy. As I creep towards the door, he whines a bit, and I whisper, “mommy’s going pee, I’ll be right back, I love you”. He rolls over, and he’s out in minutes. Don’t judge me, it works.
Fact: Lying to my 4 year old makes her listen.
Brushing my girl’s teeth used to be a nightmare. I had tried asking nicely, using the firm mommy voice, singing songs, letting her do it, reading stories. Nothing worked. One day I decided to tell her a little story about sugar bugs. She had recently watched How The Grinch Stole Christmas, and was disgusted by his behaviour. Why didn’t he have friends I explained? Because look at his teeth? He ate garbage and had stinky breath. He never brushed his teeth, and therefore had sugar bugs crawling all over his mouth. What did sugar bugs do? Eat holes in his teeth, making them black and rotten. What? You don’t want to look like the Grinch and have sugar bugs rotting your teeth? Well let mommy help you, let’s zap those sugar bugs away.
She passed her first dental visit with flying colours, loves brushing her teeth, and even asks me to double check to make sure the sugar bugs are gone when she’s done. Bad mommy? Maybe. Great dental hygeine? Definitely.
Let’s face it, we lie to our kids all the time to enhance their imagination, keep them young, allow them to enjoy the innocence of childhood. Why not benefit a little from it too? Our parents lied to us too:
“Don’t pee in the pool or red dye will appear around you and everyone will know that you peed”
“I have eyes on the back of my head”
“If you keep making silly faces like that, your face will stay that way”
“Santa’s watching and deciding if you’ll be on the nice list or the naughty list”
When you think about it, your childhood was full of these little lies. I don’t think these fibs have traumatized me, in fact, I think I turned out alright! Maybe in part because my parents convinced me to listen to them with their little made-up stories.
I’m convinced that the act of lying was invented (discovered) by a parent. Think about it.
What are some little lies you’ve told your children? Or have you been successful with pure honesty?
32 Comments
oh, yes….who among us could deny these lil white fibbers? I seriously doubt there are many of us. besides the normal Santa threats and that broccoli is actually little trees, the worst lie I ever told my kids: yes, there are monsters! but it’s okay…they’re under mommy and daddy’s bed.
I have no defence other than supreme sleep deprivation made me say it.
LOL, sugar bugs! I may have to try that one – we’ve been having a lot of battles around teeth-brushing these days.
Yes, yes and you couldn’t be more right! I’ve used these same lies with my girls. The sugar bug lie worked like a charm. The “I’ve got to go pee and will be right back” did too! Like you said, we turned out okay. My mom told me that if I ate green leafy vegetables, my boobies would grow really big. I was a pre-teen. I’m still waiting for those big boobies !!!!
Oh yes, I had to use the mommy just has to pee bit with my youngest for quite some time. She fought me tooth and nail and would never go to sleep until I used this white lie to leave the room. 🙂
Love this post – and the pics, what adorable kids you have!
When my daughter was about 2 years old she was in daycare and I used to pick her up in the early afternoon. She was all excited after running around (and probably plenty of sugar), but really needed a nap.
So I would tell her in the car that I just saw the sandman fly by and he was going to sprinkle some dream sand in here eyes to make her sleepy. She didn’t want that, so she closed her eyes and would fall asleep within minutes. At home I’d carry her into her bed and she’d sleep for an hour…
I lie to my kids or as I tell myself, twist the truth a little. I used the sugar bugs thing too. Had to lay off it because it started to scare her.
Totally do the same thing with my son. But I don’t consider this lying—-this is creative parenting. This is parenting with a tool box. I have found as they age, that’s when the real call for honesty comes into play. My son wanted to go to a private high school, but, as he is the oldest of five, it was not financially feasible and we live in a great school district. He wouldn’t let it go, and we finally had to lay it out for him. The conversation went great. We were as honest as you can be with a thirteen year old, and he let it go. He loves his high school BTW. Keep up the creative parenting. I have a feeling you will be completely honest when it matters. Erin
When miniBeej was little, I used to lie to her about almost everything if it would make life easier and not be detrimental to her. I am glad that as she’s grown older I no longer have to do so!
Brilliant! Sometimes you have to lie to make the world go ’round. Or your kids world go ’round anyway.:)
I’ve used Santa, eyes at the back of my head – the I see everything tactic, and I’m leaving…but I never do.
Your kids are gorgeous!
I stretch the truth..like right now…I am “doing some work” aka reading posts and on Twitter.
I don’t consider it lying, I consider it “effective parenting”. Lying is really just a powerful parenting tool and I use it as such. Really, I do. ahem…
I think you’re a genius, and that is all.
Hahhaha I don’t have kids, but I would totally lie to them if I did. Your ideas are great
Hey, that “I have to go pee” lie was BRILLIANT! You’ve outsmarted Super Nanny!
What, you mean if you pee in a pool it won’t turn red? Oh man, I got out of the pool to pee for no reason. I think your I’ll be right back is wonderful. Any parent who says they haven’t lied to their kids is not telling the truth! 🙂
Erin nailed it: the older your kids, the more honesty is called for. Mine are ten and twelve and I can’t lie to them about anything these days. They’re too smart, know me too well, and are too sensitive to hypocrisy. But at age four. . .that stuff worked like a charm.
I invented the lie fairy. If you tell a lie, the lie fairy will come to the house at night and take one of your toys never to be seen again. This works until the toys they care about get expensive :-!
My mom used to use the “I’ll be back in a minute” trick with my sister every night. When Noah was small Chuck E. Cheese was perpetually closed. My sister is of the belief that NO LIE IS GOOD.
I’m not talking to her right now.
~The G is Silent
So happy that the little one is finally sleeping. I remember when you told us all about it — which was hilarious looking at you describing it btw.
Again, so happy he is finally sleeping on his own! That what lies are for, to be productive!
sugar bugs, huh? hmmm. my 2 year old has just recently decided against brushing her teeth and i found myself telling her if she didn’t brush, her teeth would fall out and then how would she eat? it hasn’t helped with her fighting the toothbrushing and i felt so weird telling her something that ultimately COULD come true that i stopped saying it. maybe i’ll try sugar bugs though. she’s so damn girly girl it may work! ;D
If parents are going to start getting into trouble for lying, I am probably the first one going down. Survival man, survival!
And it case my daughter asks, I really do have invisible eyes in the back of my head that see everything….
What beautiful kids you have! (With such clean teeth, too!) Oh, yes, I stretch the truth, especially with the 2 year old. The 7 and 8 year old are now at the point where they are outwitting me (weep). You’ve got to take care of all resources when you’re a parent, right? Even with little white lies 🙂
No judgement here!! We all have our little stories! And I love the photo of your son sleeping!
Love this! Some call it lying; I’d call it creative imagery.
LOL! I will have to remember that trick when my daughter reaches the toddler stage; does it count if I use the same excuse on my husband when I am hoping he will fall asleep (and forget whatever he was previously thinking may happen) before I get back?
Pure honesty? Are you crazy? I think a little harmless lying is a necessary skill in parenting.
Love the sugar bugs. Luckily my kids had a day at Mothers Day Out were they learned about dental hygiene and that they needed to brush the dirt off so they wouldn’t get holes in their teeth. Works much better than my “We have to brush our teeth.” And I often tell my kids something is broken to get their mind off of playing with it or watching it. Nothing wrong with a little white lie!
I’m so glad you wrote this! We live in Kenya and the woman who takes care of my little one when I go to work (god forbid I say the word “nanny” – anyway…) does this all the time to avert tantrums. When I’m leaving for work she’ll “say mommy is just going to be right back” and that kind of thing. At first I was kind of horrified, but the truth is he calms down and then forgets why he was crying and gets distracted by other things. I think it’s OK for now, but we’ll probably need to reassess when he has a better memory/concept of time!
I use the “Going to go pee (or brush my teeth)” a lot. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. It depends on how tired she is. I lie quite a bit, but I tell too much truth sometimes too. I can tell when they glaze over that I’ve gone too far about what happens to our bodies when we die. Ah well.
I often tell my 2 year old that if he doesn’t brush his teeth that they will fall out. What I neglect to mention is that if he does brush them, they will still fall out.
As the great philosopher George Costanza said “It’s not a lie if you believe it”.
Our favorite lie is that all parents have direct cell phone lines to Santa. We just pop out the phone when the kid’s being bad and fake call. That’s usually enough to keep them checked!
Oh, my gosh! Those are two of the sweetest little faces ever!